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Coach Steph's Pre-disclosure process

Please follow these step-by-step instructions:

  • Assignments for disclosers will be labeled as "For discloser."

  • Assignments for betrayed partners will be labeled as "For betrayed partner."

Discloser: Feel free to book sessions with Coach Anthony if you need support in preparing for these steps.

  • Please have all assignments ready by our 4-way meeting appointment.

  • Try to keep assignments private until our 4-way meeting

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For couple, Step 1: Explore

Click the “Disclosures” tab and watch the videos. Take your time and make sure you’re ready to create and provide safety for your partner. This is a serious and demanding process. Please understand that only about 1 in 5 people successfully provide a disclosure. It’s okay to watch the videos more than once or break them up into smaller sessions.

 

1: Assignment for discloser (after watching the videos): Please take notes on what you learned. These notes will be needed for your first session.

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2: Assignment for discloser: Click the "Partner Feedback" tab and read the current recommendations and reviews from other partners. Write down your "takeaways" from at least two reviews. What insights did you gain from what others have shared?

For discloser, Step 2: Questions & accountability responses

Assignment for discloser: Please write a response to each.​ We invite you to take time to reflect deeply:

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  • Are you ready to be vulnerable and share a version of your past self that you may not be proud of?

  • Are you ready to attempt to create safety for your partner?

  • Do you understand that this is a starting point for your partner’s safety, but not a guarantee for a fresh start or erasing the past? This is not a "quick fix."

  • Do you agree not to hold this process over your partner’s head once it's completed (should this urge arise)?

  • Are you ready to share your secrets with your partner?

  • Are you prepared to be uncomfortable at times?

  • Are you ready to work with your support team to drop your walls and become more open to vulnerability, and/or reduce defensiveness?

  • This can be difficult—are you open to learning techniques (and possibly continuing to work with your support team) to take full responsibility for your actions, minimizing the chances of falling into shame?

For discloser, Step 3: introduction session with Coach Anthony

  • This session will be a brief meeting to ensure you're comfortable working together.

  • Conversation about readiness to be honest, perspective-taking, and willingness to practice empathy.

  • Feel free to ask Coach Anthony any questions that will help you feel confident in choosing him as your guide.

For betrayed partner, Step 4

If you haven’t already had a complimentary session with Coach Stephanie, please schedule a one-time session. This will be a 20-minute session to ensure you’re comfortable with her as your guide. Be sure to ask any questions you have about her coaching approach.

 

For couple, Step 5

This occurs after individual intro-appointments are completed, with each professional. Take your time to consider if this is what is needed. Be ready to commit and move forward together. Each person should be 100% ready to "trust the process." If this is where you are, please send in email so that we can arrange the 4-way zoom meeting. 

For couple, Step 6: For discloser to try and be a "Polygraph supporter."

This process is very meaningful and can make the person disclosing feel vulnerable, which is understandable. We recognize that this may be the first time you're disclosing past sexual behaviors. Please be prepared to approach the idea of completing a polygraph immediately after your disclosure with an open mind.

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Understand that "your word" may have been impacted by betrayal, so any actions that support what you say may be helpful for your partner. Some people in recovery also use a polygraph as an accountability tool for themselves. Be the voice that can help your partner feel comfortable enough asking for a polygraph, or the one that welcomes the idea.

For discloser, Step 7: Prepare a “willingness letter/statement”

Please have this statement ready for our 4-way zoom meeting. Please write a letter on how you will take this process seriously, and how actions will be provided moving forward. 

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Please use the practice of perspective-taking to write your statement. While we understand, that you may never fully comprehend the depth of your partner’s hurt, try to express how your actions have affected them. 

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When writing, come from your heart, not from a place of “what sounds nice.” Also, remember that a disclosure polygraph is not a 100% guarantee that your relationship will recover. This process is more of an offering of the truth to your spouse, and a solution to the injustice that has occurred. Keep this in mind as you write your statement.

For couples, Step 8:
4-way zoom meeting

This session will include both coaches and the couple. It will be a four person zoom meeting where we will go over the disclosure process. Please coordinate dates and times when you, as a couple, will be available.

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For the discloser:

Please have the following ready to share:

  • Questions & accountability responses (step 2)

  • Willingness letter/statement

  • Takeaways from the "Disclosure Info" tab

  • Takeaway from the "Partner Feedback" tab

for: betrayed partner

Order when you decide to move forward.

 

Book needed for betrayed partner

For:
Discloser

Order when you decide to move forward.

 

Book needed for discloser.

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